"Tank chew, how may I be helping chew?"

Here's a conversation I've been having with "Tech Support" for a large company which had the distinction of having the computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey named after it, HAL . I had a system go belly up, so I took the proper file captures and had them all ready to go to HAL, when I call in and get a nice young lady on the other line asking me about which system and O/S and all that other fun stuff. That’s when she transferred me to “Steve” who was obviously working with English as his second language and the conversation when something like this:

Steve: Tank chew for calling my nam is <*mechanical prerecorded male voice*>STEVE <*end mechanical prerecorded male voice*>how may I be for helping chew?

MM: Hi, um, Steve.. I have an issue with one of the systems here, it had a *Insert long technical explanation here* and I have already collected the data to be sent.

Steve: Have chew gaddered the core dump?

MM: Yes, I’ve gathered all of the system information and all I need is to send it to you.

S: What about the snap (HAL’s utility)

MM: Yes, I’ve gathered all of the system information and all I need is to send it to you.

S: What about the kernel-

MM: Yes, I’ve gathered all of the system information and all I need is to send it to you.

S: Ok… um… one moment please… *phone drops and sounds like he’s fumbling with the phone*

MM: Steve…. Steve…. Helloooo Steeeeve…

S: *more fumbling with the phone*

MM: Steve…. Steve…. Sanjay…

S: Yes sir?

MM: Where can I send the data too?

S: Yes sir…

MM: Steve?

S: Yes sir?

MM: Where can I send the data too?

S: Yes sir…

*THUD!*

S: Sir? What was that?

MM: Don’t worry Steve, I was just beating my head against my desk..

S: Excuse me sir?

MM: Never mind Steve… Where can I send the data?

S: One moment please sir?

MM: Are you asking me or telling me Steve?

S: Sir?

MM: Never mind Steve… Where can I send the data for you to analyze?

S: Um…

MM: Steve, is your supervisor around?

S: Yes sir.

MM: Can I speak with them? Please?

S: Yes sir, one moment please…

Supervisor: Ello, my name is <*mechanical prerecorded male voice*>Sung<*end mechanical prerecorded male voice*> How can I be assisting chew today?

MM: AURGH!!

This was all followed by a rapid succession of thumping caused from my head hitting my desk over and over again, along with finally getting the location from HAL to put my information at…